The Beginning

There are journeys that we never willingly sign up for.

Toxic mold, sick building syndrome, Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome (CIRS)… These are some of the unexpected events that side swiped our family and decimated our health.

Being the over-achiever that I am (;-p), I was hit the worst of all of us.  Over the course of just three or four months, I went from an energetic, vibrant thirty-three-year-old, to a bedridden invalid.  I would watch my three-year-old baby play next to me on the bed and wondered if I would live to see her grow up.  I would breathe through the weakness and shaking, the excruciating pain and muscle spasms, and tell myself that it was okay – that this too would one-day pass.

When I drug myself out of bed to go get a little food or use the restroom I would pause, and look out the window of my bedroom that framed the backyard. I had a mammoth sunflower growing there, and I was fascinated with the way that she would bob her huge head in response to the shaft of sunlight smiling down upon her… And I took it as a promise from my Father that He would be with me each step of the way and that life would go on, and that life would be good.

Praise the Lord for Doctors that diagnosed me properly!  It did not take away the carnage, but it gave us the right direction to walk.  We wrestled through bank loans for remediation, the loss of most of our things, being homeless for nine to ten months, massive amounts of work with broken bodies, financial ruin, and the terrible repercussions of a family of five being systemically poisoned. Although we fought valiantly, my world shrunk and my life changed and I would wake up wondering how on earth I ever got to this place…struggling to remember who I even was anymore.  I became:

• The socialite turned into a shut-in
• The strong riddled with an invasive weakness at my chore
• The adventurer marooned within the walls of her own home
• The fruitful wife singing the plaintiff tones of the barren
• The fun-loving, hardy mother reduced to a fragile piece of china
• The hostess and homemaker that had to struggle through incredible pain simply to do the basics

There is so much more that could be said, but suffice it to say that it was the lowest, darkest place I had ever been in and everything that I knew was not sufficient for this storm.  So, while weak and living in a state of total chaos, I had to learn.  Learn to live with broken pieces.  Learn to have a meaningful life when life was completely unrecognizable.  Learn from the Lord how to heal from the inside out.  Learn from my doctors how to heal our bodies.  Learn, learn, learn…

I am not a medical professional. I am simply a mother who wants the best for her babies, a wife that wants her husband able to soar with strength into his life calling, a woman who wants to live the healthiest life she possibly can with what she has been given.  Nothing I share in these posts is meant to treat or diagnose any other person.  But I know that many are suffering…and if my story can encourage or help you on your journey in any way… I would be so honored to be part of that!

So, come along with me as I learn and experiment and discover and heal – because with God – all things are possible!!